Here’s a helpful sure-fire 10-step guide to boring PR

1.     Pack briefings / emails / press releases / speeches / tweets with buzzwords and jargon.  The more the better. Here’s a tool that can test your announcement. The more crossed out words, the more boring your press release will be.

2.     Set up a committee, or better still, two committees, to review press releases and approve them.  Get one committee to critique the other’s comments and vice versa.  Three months later (if you’re lucky) the result will be the most expensive and worthless document your business can own.  You’ll find plenty of examples all over the internet on those free press release aggregation sites.  SEO experts will tell you that this is “a good thing” and then invoice you.

3.     Use your announcement to tell people what you sell.  Why bother with advertising? Slap your customers over the head with that wet kipper.  Journalists love reporting obvious things.  Make sure you don’t include any of these elements in your story.

4.     On social media, use hashtags extensively.  #Every #word #ideally.  Don’t converse with people.  #They’re #dangerous.  They talk back.  Just tell your three Twitter followers what you think every ten minutes or so.  Don’t forget those hashtags.  If you get just one more follower, that’s a 25% uplift in social engagement, right?  #Great #KPI!

5.     Pad out the quotes in your announcement, using phrases like “I am delighted to announce.”  They ALWAYS get used.

6.     Make sure your press release has the word “solutions” in it.

7.     Focus on that headline.  Something like “[Company] showcases optimization solutions” is a good place to start, but be as non-creative as you like.

8.     Make sure that you obscure what you company does by giving a lofty and confusing description.  “A global leader in the adhesive labeling industry” is far better than “we sell stickers”.  It sounds bigger, richer, more important.  For an added bonus, use the copyright or trademark symbol every time you use your company or brand name.  If you look in the paper, you’ll see those symbols peppered throughout loads of stories.

9.     Take no risks.  Don’t say anything that will catalyse interest or debate.  Be safe.

(Of course, it’s OK to be ‘boring’ if you handle it correctly.  We have, for instance, generated international headline news for a conference devoted to the boring and mundane.  We have also made national news for a company that manufactures the plastic that holds together six packs of cans.  It’s all about how you look at a business, the market it is in and the benefits it offers its consumers.  It’s often all about twisting a phrase to catch the light.  Being boring, fundamentally, is a choice.  In an age defined by what we share, telling a story that your customers feel motivated to share is an essential part of the promotional arsenal.  Which leads me to item 10…..)

10. Don’t call us.

Oh go on then.  07702 684290 or 01727 842147.

Yours helpfully, etc.

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