It’s not much more than two months (71 days) until the General Election, which means, of course, that:

Politicians will start to show their ‘softer and more compassionate’ side in the hope that it will lead you to give them your vote.

We’ll see more of the off-duty clothing, more smiles, more peppering of interviews with little cultural flourishes (the last film they saw, the last DVD box set they watched, what music they have on their iPod).

We’ll see jeans and trainers, evidence that they take their health seriously (a jog in a scenic urban space or maybe a bike ride).

We’ll hear how they favour holidays in Cornwall or West Wales or wherever their crucial swing voters live.

We’ll see ‘He’s just an ordinary bloke’ films about Clegg, Farage, Cameron and Miliband.

The most used words in the campaign will be “finish the job”, “same old Tories”, “economic mess”, “failed” and “hard working families”.

We’ll see politicians wearing clothing from British brands.

We’ll see more coloured buses.

We’ll see billboards parodied to death on Twitter in seconds.

We’ll see politicians pointing at everything. Everything.

We’ll see them boning up on the price of a pint or a loaf of bread, the cost of fish and chips or a takeaway pizza.

We’ll see them eating an ice cream spontaneously bought from a van or a burger in a café in a provincial town.

We’ll see them inflate their record or challenge the record of the others.

We’ll see them lack any sort of a clear line on immigration (other than UKIP, who will have a clear line but no answer), not because they don’t have a view but because they think that their view will be divisive and a vote loser.

We’ll see the regular abandoning of ties on men.

We’ll see them avoid streets or billboards where there is even the remotest chance that a picture could be cropped to give them an unhelpful caption.

We’ll see politicians followed by people in chicken costumes.

We’ll see them avoiding chewy, messy foods.

We’ll hear a lot of Polifiller-unfriendly language.

We’ll see no one ‘agreeing with Nick’.

And with the emergence of so many variables and so many potential outcomes, we’ll probably see and hear the most sanitised, caveated, focus-grouped, hedged set of policy pronouncements that we have ever heard.

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